DEAR DEIDRE: MY mobile hairdresser has made it very clear she would like to offer me more than a head massage and I’m so tempted to have an affair with her.
I’m 40 and my wife is 42. We’ve been married for 13 years and have a son, seven.
Our hairdresser is very attractive and in her early 30s.
I do love my wife, and we get on brilliantly – except in the bedroom.
She shut up shop sexually after our son was born.
For a while, she’d go along with sex just to make me happy. But I could tell she didn’t enjoy it, and that was a turnoff.
Eventually, I stopped asking. I felt too rejected and unattractive.
But I’m still a young man and I am extremely frustrated and miserable. I don’t want to be celibate.
This hairdresser started flirting with me whenever we were alone.
Originally we’d all have our haircut on the same evening, but then my wife’s hours changed so now she cuts my hair in the day and my wife and son’s in the evening.
From them on her head massages definitely became more attentive and I admitted they were the best thing I’d felt in a long time.
Quick as a flash she said ‘what a shame, and a waste’. She went on to tell me I was a good looking man and that she wasn’t only good at cutting hair.
Since then, I’ve fantasised about sex with her and am on the brink of messaging to ask if she wants to meet.
Would it be so wrong to do this, when my wife has made it clear she doesn’t desire me?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Having an affair is never the answer, especially if you still love your wife.
You’d feel guilty, might get caught, and it wouldn’t solve the issues in your marriage.
Of course it’s flattering but you’d be wise to start visiting a barbers to avoid temptation.
Instead, talk to your wife and tell her why intimacy is so important to you and how much you’re missing as a couple.
Ask her if she will have couples counselling with you. My support pack on Counselling tells you more about this.
The College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (cosrt.org.uk) can put you in touch with reputable counsellors.
My support pack, Reviving a Woman’s Sex Drive, might also be helpful.
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