DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex has made it clear he doesn’t want to be with me, but I can’t stop having sex with him.
He has a new partner and I know he’s bad news, yet I don’t seem to be able to move on.
I’m 29 and he’s 33. We split up a year ago, but I’m still not remotely over him.
We had a fiery relationship and argued a lot while together.
Arguments were usually resolved by ending up in bed, and the sex was always very intense and exciting.
But we had one row too many, and he said he wanted to move on. I think he already had his eye on another woman.
I was devastated by the split and even more upset when I found out that he had a new girlfriend.
I was bitterly jealous and couldn’t help stalking her social media.
So when he messaged asking to meet up for a drink, I didn’t hesitate.
I knew we would end up in bed and that it was wrong — but I didn’t care. I’d missed him so much.
Since then, we have been having sex regularly. But afterwards, he doesn’t stay the night — he just showers and goes back to his new girlfriend.
I know I’m being used but I can’t resist him. And I also know that if I tell him I don’t want to see him any more, I will be lonely and miserable.
My social life is rubbish, and I live alone.
But I want to stop feeling like this, and instead I want to find true love.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You’re caught in a vicious cycle. You want to get over this man but you keep on having sex with him, which is preventing you from moving forward with your life.
He is a bit like a drug and, like drugs, you know he’s bad for you. Every time you see him, it’s an act of self-harm.
Read my support pack Addictive Love, which describes the sort of relationship you have with him.
Sadly, you can’t slowly wean yourself off him. You need to go cold turkey. Tell him you can’t meet again. Block him from your phone and social media.
It will be hard but, once you’ve come out the other side, you will feel so much better and free to meet someone new.
You’ll also have time and headspace to get involved in activities where you can make new friends.
Having someone to talk to and lean on while you do this will make you stronger. If you can’t confide in a friend, then think about talking to a counsellor.
My support pack Moving On contains useful advice on how to put him behind you.
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:
deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
IN recent years, shoppers have gone wild for Christmas gonks – and it appears this December will be no different.
The Range has shared how it has already started selling the popular festive gnomes ahead of the yuletide season, and they are limiting how many people can buy.
They uploaded a photo of the gonks which are dressed like mini Father Christmases and stand 153cm tall.
The shop wrote on Facebook: “Only 1 trolley/ 6 Gonks per customer & no fighting over these please.
“THE SECRETS OUT. Our Red Sparkle Santa Gonks are HALF-PRICE today and down to £12.99 each!!”
“Available IN-STORES & ONLINE… RUN , do not walk!”
Currently bargain hunters can get them for even cheaper than when the post went up, as the gonks are £12.49 on The Range website.
Fans seemed delighted by the gonks arriving in stores and seemed desperate to get their hands on one.
One person wrote: “I WOULD LOVE THESE.”
Another added: “My dream trolley.”
And a third commented: “Want one.”
However, the gonks have clearly divided shoppers – with some people saying they weren’t too fussed.
One wrote: “No worries, I’ll not be fighting for even one, more for those who love them!”
A second asked: “When did gonks become a christmas thing.”
According to the website, the gonks are “ideal for Christmas decor” and are made from a soft plush material and have extendable legs.
The description reads: “Add a touch of festive cheer to your home with this standing Sparkly Red Santa Gonk.
“This charming gonk features a glittering red outfit, making it an eye-catching addition to any festive display.
“Whether placed on a mantelpiece or by a tree, this Santa Gonk brings warmth and joy to your holiday decorations.”
GONKS are inspired by gnomes found in Scandinavian and Nordic mythology, and have boomed in popularity in Britain in recent years - especially for Christmas decorations.
They are said to bring good luck and fortune to families who treat them well.
Since Christmas lovers have decorated their home with the cute figures, whose long beards make them look like miniature Father Christmas’.
While they used to be just plush figures, now you can get numerous household items themed on the festive icon.
Even Prince George, Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis are said to be fans of gonks.
WILLIAM SALIBA saw red to spark controversy in Arsenal’s clash at Bournemouth.
The centre-back earned his first ever sending-off following a VAR review over a professional foul.
Saliba pulled back Evanilson as the midfielder attempted to burst completely clear in mid-pitch.
VAR Jared Gillett told on-pitch ref Rob Jones to the monitor.
And Jones had no doubts as he waved a red to reduce the Gunners to 10 men.
it means Saliba will be banned for one game.
THIS IS A DEVELOPING STORY..
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DEAR DEIDRE: I LOVE my partner but he refuses to commit.
All I’ve ever dreamed of is getting married and owning a home with some-one who loves me.
His unwillingness to do either is making me question our future together.
I’m 37 and he’s 40. We rent a home together but he won’t even discuss buying a place of our own.
As for getting married, he says it’s just an expensive waste of time.
But these things are important to me.
I want to feel secure and that he’s in it for the long haul.
Day to day, we get on well, but I feel time is passing me by and wonder if I should walk away before I end up bitter and miserable.
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DEIDRE SAYS: He is dismissing how important home-ownership and marriage are to you, and that’s not fair.
Perhaps he needs to know you’re so frustrated about this that you’re thinking of ending your relationship.
Make it clear why this hurts you and ask him to be honest.
My support pack When Your Man Won’t Commit might be helpful.
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:
deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
IF Heavyweight boxing champion Fabio Wardley is to achieve his dream of fighting at his beloved Portman Road, then maybe Kieran McKenna can stick him in Ipswich’s back four.
The Tractor Boys’ defence certainly needs beefing up after they gave away a couple of sloppy goals to surrender to their fellow relegation battlers.
British and Commonwealth champion Wardley wants to step into the ring at his beloved Ipswich Town, but for now he had to make do with parading his belts on the pitch at half time.
His appearance failed to inspire a second-half comeback, after carbon copy strikes from Iliman Ndiaye after 17 minutes and Michael Keane five minutes before the break had set Everton on the way to their first win on the road since last December.
Electrical issues with the turnstiles delayed fans’ entry to Portman Road and kick-off was pushed back 15 minutes – but what’s another quarter of an hour to Ipswich fans who had gone 8,214 days since their team’s last win in the top flight.
That was in April 2002 when Darren Bent’s goal beat Middlesbrough 1-0, but that season saw the Tractor Boys finish third from bottom, four points adrift of Sunderland and they were relegated along with Derby and Leicester.
They should have seen their team take the lead after only five minutes when Wes Burns burst down the right and squared the ball to Jack Clarke, but he embarrassingly skied the ball high and wide from 12 yards.
It was Everton’s turn to waste a good chance two minutes later when Dominic Calvert-Lewin intercepted a sloppy pass by Kalvin Phillips, but he rushed his shot and the ball was turned behind by goalkeeper Arijanet Muric.
Ipswich were punished for more slack defending when they failed to deal with Jack Harrison’s cross. Burns was robbed by Ndiaye, who turned and fired the ball into the far top corner for his second League goal for the Toffees.
Michael Oliver awarded Ipswich a penalty after Clarke twisted and turned inside the box and went down when tussling with Dwight McNeil, but after being advised by VAR to review the incident on the pitch side monitor, the referee overturned the decision.
Ipswich’s defending from a corner again left a lot to be desired when McNeil fed Keane and he had the time and space to rifle the ball into the roof of the net from close range. It was also a second League goal of the season for the 31-year-old.
In the week that the Football Association overlooked all Englishmen in favour of appointing German Thomas Tuchel as manager of the national team, this battle between two highly regarded English-born bosses was not the best advert for defending.
Everton boss Dyche suggested before the game that he wasn’t “trendy enough” to have been considered for that role.
“I don’t think I am an on-trend manager,” said Dyche. “It’s not because of my ability or knowledge, that’s for sure, as I’ve had 10 years in the Premier League and I know the game inside out.
“The perception has to be right and I don’t think I am right for that at the moment.”
Ipswich’s endeavour was not in question, but they remain naïve to life in the Premier League, and the fact that Dyche has 10 years’ experience on McKenna showed, as Muric had a busier second half than his Everton counterpart Jordan Pickford.
Dyche may not be trendy, but he gave Toffees fans a reason to party, while Town set a new record of failing to win any of their opening eight league games at the start of a top-flight season. They will find themselves in the bottom three if Crystal Palace win on Monday night.
DO you want to own plants but they always seem to die on your watch?
If you fit this description, panic not, as a garden expert has revealed five plants which are “virtually impossible” for owners to kill.
Experts from Stelrard shared the houseplants which have few care requirements compared to other options.
Here are the five you should consider buying…
Money trees were said to be one of the top options for people who are not green fingered.
The experts told The Express: “Who says money doesn’t grow on trees? Well not literally with the money tree, but it is believed to bring good luck to whoever owns this plant.
“Simply water it weekly and place it in direct and partial sunlight.”
It’s important to note that money trees do need plenty of room to grow and if they do need repotting you should do this in spring.
One pretty plant which is low-maintenance and easy to care for is a peace lily.
The gardening pros advised: “This is perhaps one of the easiest plants to take care of, it prefers bright, indirect sunlight but can tolerate lower light levels. It produces an attractive white flower that can last for weeks.”
The only thing you may wish to look out for is they are said to be sensitive to tap water, so you should water them with filtered water if possible.
Spider plants not only look interesting but are also very easy to look after too.
The pros said: “You can basically forget about this plant and it will still thrive in your home.”
While they could be the ideal plant for busy people, you should watch out if you have cats because they are “mildly hallucinogenic and slightly addictive for some.”
Just take care to not over water your plant and you should allow it to dry out between watering.
Another low-maintenance plant which is very popular is Devil’s Ivy.
The experts say they are very adaptable to different spots in your home, and do well indoors or in a shaded outdoor spot.
All they need is a little bit of indirect sunlight and some water whenever the soil feels like it needs some moisture.
Other plants that were advised for people who kill plants are aloe vera, corn plant, panda plant and the Chinese evergreen.
The Sun’s Gardening Editor, Veronica Lorraine, has shared the jobs you need to tackle in October.
“It’s a good time to trim deciduous hedges – like box, yew, hawthorn, hornbean and beech – plus hedge trimmers are a great upper body workout!
Make leafmould – gather up all the fallen leaves and fill either bin bags or plastic carrier bags. Seal the top, stick a few small holes in the bag – and then store for a year or more. Free compost!
It’s unlikely you’ll get any more red tomatoes so have one final harvest and chuck the plants on the compost. See if you can get the green ones to ripen by putting in a drawer (some say with a banana). Also keep the seeds from a couple – and plant again next year if they went well.
Finish getting in your spring bulbs. Ideally you’d have done daffs and alliums, but tulips are better in the ground when the soil temperature gets a bit colder.
It’s good to leave some plant litter in the ground – it adds to the nutrients as it rots down, and provides shelter and food for insects. But remove the manky brown bits collapsing all over the lawn/winter structure.
Mulch – it not only suppresses weeds, but keeps the soil warm, improves water retention and adds a little winter duvet to your outside space.
October’s a good month for carrots, peas, asparagus, broad beans, and rhubarb.”
KIDS love getting into the Halloween spirit.
But parents will be horrified to learn that seven million scary costumes are thrown away in the UK each year.
That’s a lot of money wasted for one day of the year.
To save your purse, and the planet, try these tricks and treats . . .
SWAP SHOP: Halloween costume swaps are popping up across the country.
Check out local libraries, community hubs and Facebook groups to see if there is one near you.
If not, you could organise your own.
Set a date, put the word out among friends, school groups or social media and give it a try.
With a tight time-frame this year, you could start small and aim to make it more of an event in 2025.
SPOOKY SAVINGS: Charity shops are the perfect place to put together a spooky Halloween costume on a limited budget.
You may be lucky to snap up a complete second-hand fright night outfit.
If not, use a charity shop find to put together your own look.
Look for a cheap wedding, bridesmaid or evening dress.
Add rips and fake blood stains, then go all out on some scary make-up.
SECOND-TIME SCARIES: Marketplaces like Vinted have grown hugely in recent years and they’re an essential stop for anyone looking for a Halloween costume.
Go to the Fancy Dress & Costumes section to pick up a bargain on a pre-loved outfit.
Little witches and wizards can pick up a scary look for under £5, including postage.
MAKE IT UP: Halloween costumes are two-a-penny, but it is shocking make-up that will make you stand out from the crowd.
Save on your outfit and go to town on your face effects instead.
Get a face paint pallet for under a fiver from a supermarket or Superdrug and use it to terrifying effect.
YouTube is packed with Halloween make-up tutorials to get you started.
LISTEN up – you can get JVC Deep Bass Bluetooth headphones for £20 at B&M, down from £40.
SAVE: £20
TUCK into four Greggs frozen products from Iceland for £10, including a pack of four sausage rolls, £3.
SAVE: £2
ALDI wants to find Britain’s scariest Halloween house – and the prize is £1,000 of Aldi vouchers.
Send a snap of your decorated house – from this year or last – to aldiscariesthouse@clarioncomms.co.uk by Tuesday.
WAKE up with a glow thanks to the Elemis Peptide4 Plumping Pillow Facial, £59, at uk.elemis.com, or look lively with Lacura Overnight Plumping Face Mask from Aldi, £5.99.
SAVE: £53.01
KIDS can enjoy a free meal with the purchase of an adult main course at Frankie & Benny’s this half-term.
The offer runs from tomorrow until Friday, November 1.
BE Halloween-ready, with three pumpkins for the price of two at Hobbycraft.
They come in different colours and sizes, from £1 to £20.
SAVE: Up to £20
BUY four bottles of selected beers and ales for £7 at Morrisons, saving up to £4.
JOIN thousands of readers taking part in The Sun Raffle.
Every month we’re giving away £100 to 250 lucky readers – whether you’re saving up or just in need of some extra cash, The Sun could have you covered.
Every Sun Savers code entered equals one Raffle ticket.
The more codes you enter, the more tickets you’ll earn and the more chance you will have of winning!
DEAR DEIDRE: I’M panicking about going on my first ever date – at the age of 38.
I married and divorced my childhood sweetheart, whom I met at 13, so I’ve never kissed, let alone had sex, with any other women.
I feel embarrassed by my lack of experience and so anxious I’m going to make a fool of myself, that I want to pull out.
My ex-wife and I grew apart and finally split last year. We have a son, aged eight, who lives with her.
After a few months as a single man, I have been feeling like I’m ready for love again, but I didn’t know where to start.
Then, last weekend, I went out with some friends to the pub and met a gorgeous woman.
She’s 28, a lot younger than me, but I know she has had a lot more experience.
We’ve been chatting for the past week and I’ve now asked her out for dinner next weekend.
Our messages have been very flirty, with lots of innuendo, so I’m sure she expects the evening will end in the bedroom.
But while I’m very excited at the thought of sleeping with her, I’m also terrified. In fact, I feel like a virgin again.
I’m tempted to drink a lot to quell my nerves but I know that’s not a good idea.
The last thing I want is not to be able to perform.
I’m worried she’ll judge me if she knows I’ve only ever had one lover.
What should I do to prepare?
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DEIDRE SAYS: You have nothing at all to feel embarrassed about.
In fact, most women would see your past as a positive. You’ve shown you’re not afraid of commitment, and you were faithful to your wife and haven’t slept around.
But sex with someone new is always a bit nerve-wracking, however much experience you have.
It takes time to feel comfortable with a lover and to get to know their likes and dislikes.
But there’s no rule that says you need to have sex on the first date.
If you don’t feel ready, say you want to get to know her better first.
And when you do go to bed, if you’re nervous, let her guide you.
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:
deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
