DEAR DEIDRE: I’M panicking about going on my first ever date – at the age of 38.
I married and divorced my childhood sweetheart, whom I met at 13, so I’ve never kissed, let alone had sex, with any other women.
I feel embarrassed by my lack of experience and so anxious I’m going to make a fool of myself, that I want to pull out.
My ex-wife and I grew apart and finally split last year. We have a son, aged eight, who lives with her.
After a few months as a single man, I have been feeling like I’m ready for love again, but I didn’t know where to start.
Then, last weekend, I went out with some friends to the pub and met a gorgeous woman.
She’s 28, a lot younger than me, but I know she has had a lot more experience.
We’ve been chatting for the past week and I’ve now asked her out for dinner next weekend.
Our messages have been very flirty, with lots of innuendo, so I’m sure she expects the evening will end in the bedroom.
But while I’m very excited at the thought of sleeping with her, I’m also terrified. In fact, I feel like a virgin again.
I’m tempted to drink a lot to quell my nerves but I know that’s not a good idea.
The last thing I want is not to be able to perform.
I’m worried she’ll judge me if she knows I’ve only ever had one lover.
What should I do to prepare?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You have nothing at all to feel embarrassed about.
In fact, most women would see your past as a positive. You’ve shown you’re not afraid of commitment, and you were faithful to your wife and haven’t slept around.
But sex with someone new is always a bit nerve-wracking, however much experience you have.
It takes time to feel comfortable with a lover and to get to know their likes and dislikes.
But there’s no rule that says you need to have sex on the first date.
If you don’t feel ready, say you want to get to know her better first.
And when you do go to bed, if you’re nervous, let her guide you.
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