DEAR DEIDRE: MY long-distance girlfriend asked for space after her ex-boyfriend took his own life.
I miss her so much, I may catch a flight to see her. Is that a good idea?
She lives in Germany and it would be the first time we’ve ever met, but I really want our relationship to work.
She was with her ex, who had mental health problems, for five years.
I understand why she wanted a break, but it’s been three weeks now and I’ve not heard from her. I can get a ticket easily enough and I have her address.
She’s 28 and she has a daughter of four – her ex is the father of her little girl. I’m 39. She’s 35 and my first girlfriend.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Unannounced visits are not a great idea, particularly as she has asked for some time and, of course, is dealing with a four-year-old who has lost her daddy.
You may miss the online chat but, for now, it would be better to respect her wishes.
However, long term, your relationship is not going to go anywhere unless you meet in the flesh.
There may be a reason this distant relationship suits her.
Perhaps she doesn’t want to get hurt again or is avoiding genuine commitment.
Three weeks isn’t long. Get yourself out with your friends or do other activities nearer to home.
But be wary about building up dreams and plans for your future when you have never met.
My leaflet, Love Online, explains more.
You’re Not Alone
EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide
It doesn’t discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.
It’s the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes.
And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.
Yet it’s rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.
That is why The Sun launched the You’re Not Alone campaign.
The aim is that by sharing practical advice, raising awareness and breaking down the barriers people face when talking about their mental health, we can all do our bit to help save lives.
Let’s all vow to ask for help when we need it, and listen out for others… You’re Not Alone.
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:
- CALM, www.thecalmzone.net, 0800 585 858
- Heads Together,www.headstogether.org.uk
- HUMEN www.wearehumen.org
- Mind, www.mind.org.uk, 0300 123 3393
- Papyrus, www.papyrus-uk.org, 0800 068 41 41
- Samaritans,www.samaritans.org, 116 123
